happens

SHIT HAPPENS

in various world religions
----------------------------

Taoism:
Shit happens.

Hare Krishna:
Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding.

Confucianism:
Confucious say, "Shit happens".

Buddhism:
When shit happens, is it really shit?

Hinduism:
This shit happened before.

Zen:
What really is the sound of shit happening?

Protestantism:
Shit happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK.

Calvinism:
Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.

Episcopalianism:
If shit happens, hold a procession.

Lutheranism:
Shit won't happen if I work harder.
Shit happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK.

Anglicanism:
It's true, shit does happen - but only to Lutherans.

Catholicism:
If shit happens, I must have deserved it.

Charismatic Catholicism:
Shit is happening because you deserve it, but we love you anyway.

Judaism:
Why does shit always happen to us?g the deal?

Reform Judaism:
Got any laxatives?

Islam:
If shit happens, take a hostage.

Nation of Islam:
Don't take no shit!

New Age:
For $300, we can help you get in touch with your inner shit.

Wicca:
If shit happened once, it will happen twice more.

Jehovah's Witnesses:
Knock Knock, "Shit Happens."

Secular Humanism:
Shit evolves.

Darwinism:
Survival of the shittiest.

Christian Science:
When shit happens, don't call a doctor-pray.

Atheism:
I don't believe this shit.

Religion from an Atheist's point of view:
I haven't smelt, seen, touched, or tasted it. But it's shit.

Agnosticism:
You can't prove any of this shit.

Rastafarianism:
Let´s smoke this shit!

Mormonism:
If shit happens, shun it.

Energizer Bunny:
Shit happens and keeps going and going and going and...

Baptist:
You are shitting all wrong, and you'll be punished for it.

Southern Baptist:
Shit will happen. Praise the lord.

Iraqi Baathist:
Oh shit!

Voodoo:
Shit doesn't just happen -- somebody dumped it on you.

Televangelism:
Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit stop happening.

Unitarianism:
It's not the shit that matters. It's the process.

Orthodox:
St. Sergius found his faith in deep shit.

Greek Orthodox:
Shit happens, usually in three's.

EST:
I am at cause that shit will not happen.

Fundamentalism:
There's no shit in the Bible.

Twelve Step:
Shit happens one day at a time.

Amish:
This modern shit is worthless.

Shintoism:
You inherit the shit of your ancestors.

Moonies:
Only happy shit really happens.

Stoicism:
This shit is good for me.

Zoroastrianism:
Shit happens half the time.

Bahaism:
Why do you keep shitting on us?

Mysticism:
This is really weird shit.

Paganism:
Shit happens for a variety of reasons.

Rajhneesh:
Give us your shit and put on this orange shit.

Rosicrucianism:
What is this AMORC shit?

Satanism:
Sneppah tihs.

Witchcraft:
Mix this shit together and it will happen.

Scientology:
If you leave us, bad shit will happen to you.

Shamanism:
Whoaa...Holy Shit!

Sikhism:
Leave our shit alone

Sureshism:
You are all pieces of shit.

Dianetics:
"Why does shit happen?" (p. 157)

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